Right now I feel I am ready to start reclaiming my life…
- I want to be around for Seb when he needs someone to hurry him up in the morning, take him to school, big gym, swimming and cheer him on in his activities, play outside in the snow
- I want to throw a ball and run down the hill with Monty (perhaps not up again though)
- I want to go to sleep without being paranoid of pulling feeding tubes out of my arm
- I want to sit down at the table and not feel queasy at the sight of food
- I want to pick up my camera and use it without hurting my arm
- I want to go the movies with Garnet
- I want to pick up heavy stuff
- I want to get through a day without being shattered
- I want to go in a coffee shop and have something milky
- I want to have a shower without wrapping my arm in plastic
- I want to cook some potato – there has been a worrying lack of potato-related dishes in this house in the past month
- and so on ad infinitum…
Unfortunately there are more tests and appointments to get through before I am in the clear and can start reclaiming my life. So until there are firm answers I am still having to attach myself to a bag of food-replacement every night.
On the plus side, I am making small steps (but huge in my world). My first liquid, my first hot drink, reading a bedtime story to the boy, driving the car.
My mouth has just gone into sensory overload – a squeeze of lemon in a glass of ice-water did it. The wonderful freshness of it has made my taste buds wake up after a month and is ridding my mouth of the horrible, tinny taste of nothingness and the muted flavors of metallic ice-chips and unsatisfying herbal teas.
But, really a month?